skin diseases are fun

hands over face, watching darkness play charades
ever entwining in the distant fog of memory
and somehow, yet, someway
right there, poignant and belligerent in the way that it moves
and i feel nothing...

so there i was entertaining myself to the tunes
of the fallen, juxtaposed meaningfully, purposefully
towards all reason and doubt
carefully deciphering the coded symbolic nature of it all;
as i read i waited for the chill
but nothing...
i feel nothing
nothing at all

there was a time when the paradox that lays before me
was at one with itself, in time with the melody
harmony, and rhythms of the ever changing chaos that is my mind
like a bull, charging, waiting, for no one to stand
but you know?
i feel nothing
and thats what scares me the most

not the fact that some where there is a warrant out for my arrest
nor the fact that some day i will be dead
nor the fact that maybe i will see the end
of this...
..
..
..
..
..
..

looking in the windows of the faded cottage
painted on the canvas of denial
waiting for the perfect moment that will never arrive
maybe the silence will deceive me, giving me more time
but for what, that is a good question, and to which i do not know
all i care about at the moment... is remembering how to feel
how to feel alive...
how to feel anything at all
just for one moment... again